Please, let me fuck your mom
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
