i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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