Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
