I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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