Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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