god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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