She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
