i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If I die, sorry about rent.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
