So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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