I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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