it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
