just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
