Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
