youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
