How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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