mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
