is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
