so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You pole danced in your parka.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
