She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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