i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
