The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
