i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
