The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize