actually, I'm a sock model
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
