were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
