Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This baby is an asshole
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
