omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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