do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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