After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
