i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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