You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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