I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
