My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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