my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
