They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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