My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize