I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All the doctor said was why
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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