Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
