I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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