i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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