Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
a search helicopter?!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
