oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
