a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
