I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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