five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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