the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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