I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
