Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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