it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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