Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got inside last night via doggy door
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
