Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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