I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up under a house in Key West
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
