Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
