id be glad to
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
