I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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