When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
