never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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