I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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