well you can't waste a boner
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
