We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
